I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
