the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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