Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
