hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
