I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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