Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
