I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
