so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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