Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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