Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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