Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
