I molested 6 butterflies tonight
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
