Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
