I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
