Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
