it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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