P.S. I can't hear my feet
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
