What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Randomize
