My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
