its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
