At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
