I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
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