At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
