yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
