My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
