some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
