"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Don't make out with my wife yet
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
