so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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