it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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