He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
