I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
