We're facebook friends in real life
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
