just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
