my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
