i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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