I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Randomize
