I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
