the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
