why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Dick very happy bro
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
