well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
