At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
