I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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