He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
