i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
