Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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