And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
