**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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