Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
