I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
