Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
