T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
