that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
